Can I get a little Movie Etiquette here?

Alright, here's pet peeve infinity!!! I really can't contain this. I went to see two movies last Friday cause I'm a woman of leisure and that's how I roll. My last blog had me reminiscing about those days when movies were exciting and new, just like the cast of The Love Boat. I found myself really waiting for two movies in particular to come out, and they're diametrically opposed to one another, but they both speak to the movie goer in me. The first was "The Town", a gritty crime drama directed by and starring Ben Affleck, set amid the urban backdrop of his native Boston that he loves so dear. And the other, a little less intense, "Easy A". It's been a hard week. Don't judge.

So I go to the stadium seat movie theater (the only kind I prefer now, with the exception of a good old fashioned drive-in. There's one in Atlanta I'm dying to try out), buy both tickets, get some popcorn slathered with high cholesterol inducing, genetically altered butter (yall know it's not real butter), a larger than anyone needs Coke, and head into my first movie. Now the film itself was quite enjoyable seeing as how it's another teen movie with a nice Scarlet Letter baseline. I found it funny and moving and all that jazz. What I hated down to the marrow of my bones, were the other dipshits I had to sit in the dark with.

I know technology is supposed to bring us out of the dark and into a better kind of civilization. Heart transplants, stem cell research, cancer treatments all get a big YAY from me. But texting inside a movie theater will get you a slap across the face if you happen to be ANYWHERE NEAR ME!!! Why so venomous you ask? Because even though you're not talking during the movie, you are still DISTRACTING me with the light from your phone!!! It's a dark room--as soon as ANY light comes on, the eye is automatically and without thought, drawn to it. And then as if that's not bad enough, the texting offender then has the nerve to not keep said phone down in his/her lap to shield the rest of the audience from the annoying light of his/her oh so important "where r u?" text, but the offending asshole must raise the phone high, high above so as to shine this light in the viewing eye frame of anyone unlucky enough to be in this person's general area.

Time was the only thing you had to worry about when going to the movies was an asinine talker or twelve. But now, cell phones have opened up a whole new can of self absorbed, inconsiderate-ness that movie watching is now disagreeable to me. I remember when beepers first came out (pagers if you're a doctor or live in the suburbs), and that was the first sign of a new age being ushered in. Nothing irritated me more than to hear a beeper sounding off during a highly emotional time in a movie. It's like they were all wired to go off at that moment. Whatever the moment--a highly romantic moment, a highly emotional death scene, will the lovers realize they're meant to be together, the big revealing secret--just imagine if that shit had been in existence during "Empire Strikes Back" and it's the moment when Luke discovers Darth Vadar's really his father, and during the slow build--Luke dangling oh so precariously on the ridge, and Darth, full of seductive self assurance, weaving his tale of paternity, standing powerfully tall against Luke's weak and injured stance (damn I love this movie). And right before Darth speaks those fateful words "...No, I am your..." SOMEONE'S DAMN BEEPER GOES OFF!!!

Talking is still a good old standby too. Don't think that technology has erased that oldie but goodie. I just don't understand why people feel compelled to talk, text, ANSWER THE PHONE AND HOLD AN IN DEPTH CONVERSATION while sitting in a seat it cost you $10.50 for, eating treats that cost about the same or more. Why pay to do that? Why can't you just sit there and shut the fuck up? What the hell is so important you have to ruin my movie going experience for? To find out that Pacey and Joey are dating? Or that Michael's running late? Guess what, I kinda figured that out when I got here and there was no Michael to be found. If it's an emergency either don't come, or answer it later cause trust me, it'll still be an emergency two hours from now. There's just no damn consideration of other people's time and money anymore. If you talk throughout the whole damn thing, you're wasting the money I paid to watch this movie. It's not like I can rewind it, no, I'd have to spend another $10.50 to catch the shit I missed the first time while you were having phone sex with your girl in the seat behind me (no exaggeration, this actually happened during (of all movies) "I Can Do Bad All By Myself").

Maybe it's generational. The texting was going on during "Easy A", a film with a much younger demographic; and one guy took several phone calls during "The Town". Silly rabbit, texting's for kids. I couldn't believe it, I was so fucking pissed. A young black couple then proceeded to sit behind me (during "The Town") and keeping it old school, starting talking...LOUDLY. Now, some people don't get pissed when it happens during the trailers. I'm weird cause I actually like the trailers. I wanna see the next cool movie coming out. So this was highly irritating. And it reminded me of Mommy. She'd curse you out for that shit. At the time it was kinda embarrassing and funny all at once, but she wasn't playing. I've seen her do this several times, and suddenly it was like I was channeling her cause I was ready to go and unleash all manners of fouth mouthedness, when to my immense delight, they moved to seats down front. It didn't stop them, but at least they weren't in my ear for two and half hours.

My point is this...all this texting and talking and whatnot needs to stop. It's incredibly selfish and what's amusing and worthy of ass whooping, is that these folks have the nerve to wanna get up in your face when you ask them to knock it off. How dare you. I spent my money just like you. This isn't your living room and if that's how you wanna behave, keep your ass at home. I just don't understand the society we're living in now where everything we do has to be linked to our damn cell phones. Do you really need to send that text while you're DRIVING? Really? If you think about it, you really don't. All of this though is a symptom of the deeper issue. We're nothing more than a bunch of self obsessed narcissists addicted to our own imagined self importance. There was this commercial that used to play in the movie theater showing a man being propelled out of his chair cause his phone rang and disrupted the audience. How I wish those ejector seats were real. I'm working on something along those lines, where instead of being thrown from your seat, a bunch of criminally insane inmates rush into the theater and beat you within an inch of your life. I just have to figure out how to keep them from killing us all. Oh well, incidentals really. That's it. Hope it wasn't too long. Till next time, lovers :)

Talent is wasted on the Talented

Alright, so my last post yielded one comment, and though I understand the opinion, I have to say I feel a bit sensitive about it. No one likes to be told to shut the fuck up--though that's not exactly what was said. And hell, I feel that way sometimes when I'm around someone who's going on and on and fuckin' ON! It's like get to the damn point already! So that said, I'll do my best to keep it brief, yet interesting, and say what I gotta say. Cool? Cool.

Now, let's get to my point. Lemme preface my statements by saying that I am of the performance/entertainment background. So you can take all of what I'm about to say with the requisite grain of salt, though it won't make it any less true.

What I know of myself as an actor/writer is that I'm a purist. I believe that the most important thing in entertainment is the talent. To me, no amount of show flashery can ever take its place. Since brevity is the new key here, I'll have to elaborate later. Now, I love movies, I love theatre, I love music, so anything that encompasses part or all of those things is usually beloved by me. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons why I'm so secure about moving back to Atlanta, is because there's a nice artistic community alive and well there. Granted, it's not New York (let's face it, nothing is) but at least it's not a hillbilly sitting on his porch picking his teeth and drinking moonshine from a mason jar, cleaning his shotgun and being hailed as the poet laureate of Dirt Patch. Ah, that's entertainment! Although there's nothing wrong with drinking corn liquor from a mason jar. How do you think I come up with my unbelievably long posts?

Ok, I'm getting to the point. Damn, I feel like a bitch on the clock. Lately I've been feeling really, deeply, and profoundly disappointed with the state of entertainment in this country. I used to wait with sweaty anticipation for Friday night to come. Not cause I had a hot date, I was kind of a loser in high school when it came to that, but cause that was the release date for new movies! And there was always an assurance that something good was gonna be playing. I would spend money on the ridiculously inflated ticket prices and then the same was true for the overly priced concessions. Then I'd retreat to the sanctity of that blackened auditorium with the semi-comfortable (but often not) seats with cigarette burns and broken arms, nestle quietly in, and wait eagerly for the show to begin. And I was transported. And it was the same when I heard a song I loved. I was ten years old when Man in the Mirror came out. And I remember sitting on the side of my bed listening to the lyrics and being blown away. That was the first time I realized that a song could mean something more than a rhythm to dance to. It could change the way you think. It could change the world.

But today, art has been offered up at the altar of gimmicks. I saw a magazine cover with Lady Gaga and I had a physical and violent reaction to it. I don't want this blog to devolve into an entertainment fixture, that's not why I started it and truth be told there's enough of those out here in cyberspace already. But I do have to ask, what the fuck is up with everyone drooling over and jerking off to her? Am I the only one who thinks she's crap? And now with the VMA's fast approaching, I have to ask myself--Is there any real reason to care? There was a time when I lived, I mean LIVED for the VMA's. They were almost on par with the Oscars for me (which everyone who knows me knows on that particular day of the year, don't call me and as a matter of fact DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME AT ALL until it's over. I'm an Oscar Nazi that way). But now, it's just been reduced to a laser show geared toward giving the audience massive seizures.

Being famous nowadays, and really from the beginning of time, has nothing to do with being talented. And it feels like that's in overdrive in today's society. And the purist in me resents that. There's a real dearth of quality entertainment out there for adults who don't give a damn about the Disney Channel offspring. I hate being pumped up to believe in the next big thing--the next big actor, the next big movie, the next big singer, whatever, only to be completely and utterly disappointed. Mediocrity has become the new standard and it's so fucking annoying. I'm just tired of it. I know many of you who are in this "business" will defend the gimmick makers and all that jazz, and I know they have a job to do. Sell a product, create a demand and shove it down our throats. I just wish the shit were of better stock instead of the flaming pile of dogshit that it is. It's like waking up Christmas morning expecting to find a tree adorned with gifts galore, only to find a drunk Santa Claus passed out naked next to your mother, with cookie crumbs around his mouth and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels at his feet. Merry Christmas bitches.

So I tried to keep it short. Don't know if I succeeded. Deal with it. Till next time, lovers.

Brevity is...brief?

Ok people, it has been brought to my attention that my posts tend to be a bit long. This is done both purposely (cause I like to talk, I admit it) and also accidentally (see previous parenthetical). So my question for yall is, should I shorten my posts? Are they too long or are they just fine? I've been debating for several days now which is why I haven't updated this blog in a while. So much has gone on pertaining to my time in Atlanta and naturally I was eager to share. But how to share became the question. And what to say--so much happened during that week long furlow that I don't even know where to begin. So if you like my long, loquacious blogs, I'll tell you all. If you think "brevity is the soul of wit" then I'll adjust. It's up to you lovelies. Till next time, lovers!