Three Piece Suit Mafia

I've become obsessed with this idea lately. I see them walking the busy city streets, or grabbing a quick lunch at the food court. Briefcases firmly in hand, shoulder bag slung across their bodies; women in sneakers and business suits with their sensible heels tucked snugly inside their tote bag. And men in dress slacks and Italian leather shoes, ties blowing in the wind to keep up with the quickened pace of their step. Bluetooths firmly cemented to their ears giving off the appearance of their oh so important station in life. I watch them doggedly. Covetously. Where are they going? Where are they coming from? What awaits them when they walk through their front door? What does their front door look like? Is it connected to a mega mansion they can barely afford, thus adding to their determined walk which renders every one and everything around them as inconsequential? I watch with slovenly regard, transfixed by these select few who move in and out of my world touching everything around me and nothing at all.

It's no real mystery to me why I'm drawn to them. These robotic zealots I used to laugh at on my way to school in the morning. One is constantly accosted by them on the subway. If you've ever found yourself on the express train uptown via Columbus Circle Monday-Friday circa 6-8am, then you know of what I speak. Back up off my personal space asshole before I piss on your Gucci suit! That was usually my response to them. Or I'd just give the indiscriminate white man/woman the angry black woman stare and that was enough to get them to change their body stance. Works like a charm. I hated the way their arrogance perfumed the air, as if they were King and Queen Shit, and we were humble peon subjects there for their amusement; constantly in danger of being thrown to the gallows should we forget our place in front of royalty and step outta line. Forgive me, been reading and watching a lot about the Tudors lately.

But now, as I enter my first unemployment extension (thank you NJ), I find comfort in that kind of confidence. It matters little to me about the real lives of these professionally clad men and women scurrying around Big City, USA like hamsters in the wheel. What fascinates me is the lie I can believe. The facade the three piece suit represents. Stability. Money. Security. That's really what I covet. And coincidentally, they are the things I don't have. My mother wore a three piece suit to work every day of my childhood and most of my adolescence. In my young mind, that's what it meant to be an adult and have a job. Though Mommy accompanied her suit with 6" stiletto heels. Ah the '80's.

I've found myself searching for jobs that would induct me into the Three Piece Suit Mafia, even though at best, I'm a business casual employee. My favorite outfit as Mortal Kombat likes to point out, is my over sized Tennessee Titans Football jersey and an assortment of jeans and/or leggings. I like to be comfortable, and wearing a suit for a woman such as myself who has lots of skin around the middle and the top, means I'd have to constrain and constrict some things which would render me highly uncomfortable. But if that discomfort comes with a six figure salary, I'll suck in my gut all damn day! Breathing is to be done at night in my luxury home with a luxury bed and a male escort I keep on speed dial cause my salary affords me that luxury!!! Can you tell what the operative word is?

I know this is all a delusion cooked up by my highly imaginative brain. I understand that money can't buy a variety of things. But I like the idea of having structure to my day. Having a place to go, dressing up, and bringing home a whole bunch of security. I'm a woman who needs structure. Without it, I sleep till 2pm, watch t.v. till 4am and some where in there I eat and hop online for a time to read and update my Facebook status. I'm worried about being able to take care of myself; of being able to provide the essentials in life, such as keeping my Netflix account active. I'm concerned with being alright; and in my warped mind wearing a three piece suit to work everyday says that I will be. I'm so preoccupied with the idea, that it's making me cast off the yoke of creativity I've worn for so many years and strap on the anchor of corporate achievement. Cause we all know how stable Corporate America can be. Like I said, delusions wrapped up in fantasy, and tied up with a make believe bow. Till next time, lovers!