Here's what I think...I think black people are addicted to it. We put it on our plates, in our bodies, and on our hair. I live in the south now and everything down here is fried. But I'm also black so I'm used to things being fried so it's not much of a difference. I don't eat a lot of fried foods anymore, though I can remember growing up and having containers of used grease sitting on the stove--one for chicken and one for fish, and you better not use the fish grease to fry the chicken in! Someone down here asked me recently, if I'd had the pleasure of eating fried Oreo's. The thought alone makes my arteries harden. But as an adult I try to do more baking. That doesn't' mean I eat totally healthy, but hey, I try. Don't judge me!
So it's not enough to have everything we eat drip with clear, greasy goodness, which later congeals, hardens and turns into a white like substance that looks much like my hair conditioner, but we also have to slather it on our heads. Now, historically, I think I know why this happened. Mommy told me back in the day when she was a kid, this was basically the only way black hair was done. We do need a lot of hydration and conditioning on our hair cause without it, it becomes dry and breaks off. And black hair is different from other ethnic types. All the White, Asian, Native American, and etc. hair that I've seen have been fairly similar (with some exceptions but not many). So I'm not saying we don't need any, we can't run around like we have white girl hair, but if we stop loading it down with grease, we may be able to achieve that which all black women covet...white girl swing! That is what I call black hair that swings, and/or blows in the wind like white hair. And for years that was unattainable by us due to our long love affair, dare I say marriage, to hair grease. It's like we feel if our hair isn't completely covered in it like brylcream (which my grandfather still uses by the way) we haven't done our jobs.
Just like I don't eat a lot of grease, I don't need a lot of it in my hair. I don't like the phrase "good hair", as a matter of fact it pisses me off. I hate anything that pits black against black, but you can't have a comprehensive black hair discussion without it. I'll skip that for now unless someone reading this blog has no idea what that means, but since most of you following me are black, I'll assume you know. But my hair is like right in the middle I suppose. I can achieve white girl swing, but I also need a touch of grease. The problem arises when I go to the black hair salon for a hit of the creamy crack I've been addicted to since I was twelve (my mother started me cause she got tired of slaving over the thick brambles atop my head, and I was tired of her burning me with the hot comb/curling iron), cause without fail they slather on the grease. I just went to a new place today cause since I'm new to the area again, I need to find a place and this salon had coupons. Hair on a budget. Before I went in, I looked like Harriet Tubman and now I have the hair of a white girl who's into grunge and plaid shirts. All I wanted was to not look like I was running for freedom while going on job interviews and now my hair is so stringy from all the grease she slapped on, that I look like I used my head to sop up the BP oil spill.
I kinda knew this would happen, cause it always does. That's kinda why I started going to the dominicans. They know how to do all types of hair cause dominicans have all types of hair. I think it may have something to do with the African, Indian, and Spanish blood lines there...or something. At least that's what all the tour guides kept telling me when I went there two years ago. And, the number one seller, you don't spend all day in the damn shop and usually only have one or two people who touch your head. Black shops?...I think it's safe to say we all know that shit ain't true. You're there ALL damn day for a wash and blow dry, and twenty five people handle you...one to wash you, one to condition you, one to put you under the blow dryer, another one to wash you again, one to sit under the dryer again, and if you're lucky your stylist will blow it out and style you. Shear economics dictated that I go to the dominicans, I can't afford to tip all those damn folks, there's a recession people! When I leave the dominicans, I have what I like to call "Dominican Swing". That's white girl swing with attitude. My hair is soft, shiny, and healthy. Even if it's been four months since my last touch up, you can't tell when I leave there cause they get all the ends to lay down. Looks great (until I sweat, then I look like Tito Jackson). The only problem is they don't like to use any grease! I guess that would be ok if they didn't use so much heat. I think all their hairdryers are set on HOTTER THAN HELL. I've never felt heat like that before. Like all the heat from the Sahara, the Equator, and the gates of Hell combined to singe my scalp.
I just need a true hair technician who understands my hair type. I need more grease than a white girl, but less than the fry vat at McDonald's. The dominicans are closer to what I need, but not quite on the mark, yet. And the blacks assume if you have black hair that they should dump an entire jar of vaseline on your head and call it a day. It must all boil down to black people not knowing how to give up the grease, truly. Like when it comes to hair especially, trying something different is sacrilegious. We're gonna have to take baby steps I guess. I'm already there, but I gotta get my people to rise up and join me and say No to the Grease! It makes your hair heavy and your hips big. Let's get that slogan on the ballot next week and vote in some change! Till next time, lovers!
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