Match Tales

Oh, my lovelies! I've missed you. As you know it's a new year and I just had another birthday. So now like the song says, I truly am, "Another year older/and deeper in debt/..." Not sure about the debt part but judging by the unanswered messages on my home voicemail, I owe somebody somethin'. Oh well, fuck 'em.

So I would get into my birthday festivities but there's so much I have to talk about. I'll have to come back to that stuff later. But let's ring in 2011 with some wild shit!

So while my friend Sharelle was in town for my birthday (and we partied like it was 1997-99 up in this bitch...trust me, I have the literal scar to prove it!) I decided to re-activate my match.com subscription. I'd let it lapse shortly before Mommy was diagnosed cause it wasn't yielding me any results. I took the 6 month guarantee they offer...find someone significant in 6 months or get the next 6 months free. Well I was on that bitch site for a year...I didn't get the 6 months free cause they neglect to tell you about the caveat in fine print. In order to qualify you have to send at least 5 emails a month to different men to ensure you're doing your part to meet someone special. It's hard to do all that mess when you're working a full time job. I didn't wanna come home after hours of staring at a computer screen and talking on the phone, to then send a bunch of cold emails to dudes who may or may not be fully representative of their pics and profiles on the internet. Fuck that shit. So I let my status fall into inactivity.

But when she came to see me, she was fraught with stories of her Match shenanigans. All these different men she was meeting, some cute, some weird...well most were weird according to her. She was dating all over NYC, going to restaurants and lounges, having the time of her life. I swear, the bitch was a walking poster board for the site. At her urging I reluctantly rejoined. I was hesitant cause I was keenly aware of my previous experiences with the site, and shit wasn't that footloose and fancy-free for me. I'd talk to guys who were barely interesting or who weren't feeling me. None of them would take me anywhere and I'm quite certain if we did go out, they wouldn't splurge on me like they did her. For some reason I just don't command that type of dude. But something she said made me wanna give it a go. She said something like, it's always nice to have someone to go to dinner or the movies with. And those few words changed my perspective. True, I'm looking for something "serious", I guess, but I don't have to hold out for a dude I'm in love with to hang out. Go out to dinner with lots of frogs (and try not to rip your skin off when they pay for everything) weeding out the undesirables till you find your prince. Done. And DONE! I charged my credit to Match.com that night.

So almost immediately shit was different down here than back in the tri-state, for me anyway. I added more pictures to my profile for one. This time I included full length body shots, which I typically avoided like the plague. But these were pics from my recent birthday festivities and I was looking and feeling good! Sexy sexy sexy!!! My inbox was full of winks and emails that I'd sent out or had responded to. I mean, now that I'm not working, I have time enough to sort through profiles. I kept my parameters the same, only black and latin men need apply. I'm talking to about three dudes, two I've actually met in person, and one I've seen more than once.

Here we go:

DUDE #1: IHOP

I call him this cause the first night we met, this is where we went. We first started out at the Barnes and Noble I'm typing from currently in Buckhead on Peachtree. It was last Wednesday cause I had just taken MK, his girlfriend, and his cousin to the airport. The B&N closed at 10pm, so we went up the street to the IHOP. He's a nice enough guy. Black. 33. Native Atlantan (odd cause most people here are from somewhere else). Computer engineer. Clean cut. Average body and height. He's taller than me which isn't saying much, but I think he's at least 6'. We talked all night, he watched me scarf down my pancake platter with hash browns, bacon, scrambled eggs, lots of syrup and a coke. This is Atlanta after all, gotta compliment my meal with a coke. But there was a pretty good vibe going on. I wouldn't say I was overcome with a fiery sensation in my loins for him. As a matter of fact, it was a cold, dry season in my panties, but he was nice and respectful and we laughed a lot. That can usually stoke the flames of desire, so I figured give it a chance. In keeping with Sharelle and Kendall's philosophies. Plus, I heard Mommy's voice in my head basically telling me that I x men out too quickly and give the guy a chance. Between Wednesday and Saturday when we saw each other again, he text and called me multiple times a day. That's red flag time for me. I like my space and that shit seems awfully crowdy. But, it's someone to go out with and enjoy myself. So we hung out again Saturday.

We went to the Varsity cause I'd never eaten there. Food was ok, but I was more interested in the hype. From there we walked through Piedmont Park at night. It was so beautiful. We even stopped at this romantic spot where I took a picture of the luminescent Midtown skyline. It was really breathtaking. He wanted to hold my hand. I hesitated at first and we'd already had the PDA discussion; I'm not its biggest fan. But I relented and we walked the trails hand in hand, occasionally stopping to sit on a bench lakeside to talk and look at the water. I like water. We talked about our families: he's closest to his mother, I told him about Mommy. He's not close to his younger brother. I told him my brother is known to choke a nigga out for his sister. Particulars like that. All in all, it was nice. After that we went to the Uptown Comedy Club. Those dudes were funny as hell. Good times. Drinks and some food...he ate and I drank. Another reddish flag. I can't be with someone who's not a social drinker. Cause I likes my cocktail. Everything seems fine. He takes me back to my car and I go to give him a hug, and he goes in for the kiss. It was awkward only cause he wanted it to be a full on open mouth kiss, and it turned into a peck on the lips. We go home and all's good from there. I was hoping to meet up with this young boy, I call him B-BOY, that I met the previous weekend at a club down here. Was really needing some of his 24 yr. old law school dick. But that didn't work out and that's neither here nor there (but rest assured people, I will go in on him in my next entry).

So Sunday comes and everything seems cool. I have a meeting with my creative group to discuss workshops I wanna teach for acting and writing, and some of our upcoming projects, and dude calls me. This was the second time he called that day. And there was a text too. I go back to my friend's house while I waited for MK's flight to arrive and I text him that I saw he called but I was in a meeting and I'll call him when I get home round 11pm. He simply texts back "We need to talk". What the fuck? Skipping all the bullshit that elapsed in the meantime, I finally get him on the phone to find out what the hell he's talking about. And come to find out, he's quite obviously distressed about something that occurred the night before at the comedy club. While we were in line, I made the mistake of engaging in a long standing joking tirade with the man standing behind IHOP about an outfit some bitch on the street was wearing. She had stuffed her big ass into spandex/lycra black pants with a halter top of the same material, and twelve inch clear heel hooker shoes. Outlandish. Apparently we laughed too long and didn't include him and he felt I was rude and disrespectful and I shoulda known the brotha was trying to holla at me and that he was uncomfortable and blah blah blah.

I...listened, and then told him I can't be worried about him freaking out every time I spend more than two minutes talking to a guy. I'm a sociable person and if someone talks to me, I'm gonna talk back. I reminded him that I wasn't flirting with the guy and I really had no idea that he was flirting with me. I didn't ask for his number, I didn't give him mine, I didn't touch him, I didn't stray outside the "that bitch is wearing some fucked up shit" parameters of the talk back. That I needed him to know that since I was spending time with him, my time is precious to me and I don't just give it out willy nilly, and that he should take some comfort in that. I knew I was on a date with him and no one else and he may have a point had I done any of the above mentioned no-no's, but since I didn't, I was thrown for a loop as to where this mess was coming from. Particularly since he hadn't let on at any time during the rest of the evening, when I was fully engaged with and interested in him, that he was upset about anything. Least of all this situation. Example, said kiss attempt mentioned before. His response: I wanted to make sure you continued to have a good time. Okaaaayyyyy.....

So he said his piece and I said mine and we left it with he still wants to get to know me, but he had to let me know he was upset. I told him I appreciate him telling me, that it wasn't my intent to make him feel uncomfortable or disrespected and I sincerely apologize for that. Then he asks if we're "cool". I said yes. I still need to have someone to hang out with most nights. No need to let his control freak ways fuck up my social life.

Till next time, lovers!